Tuesday, December 26, 2006

#247: December 26, 2006

You may not think so now, but just you wait:
one day when your front door sticks in its jamb
you'll turn around and wonder where I am
to bust it down, but it'll be too late;

When some black critter skitters 'cross the floor
and sets you shrieking, wondering what to do,
you'll wish then I was there with my big shoe,
but I'm not gonna be there anymore.

One dark day soon you'll see it's a mistake
to drive me off like this--you will forget
the bad that, I admit, I've done. Regret's
a bitch, but I've had all that I can take.

In any one of many dozen ways,
you'll miss me, baby, one of these old days.


mrs. tool said...

Um, a little post-holiday tension 'round the Sonnetboy house?... :)

Sonnet Boy said...

I told her a thousand times, SEASON THREE of The Dukes of Hazzard! But did she listen? Noooooooooo....


Nope, just came up with the first line and rode the comedic possibilities to the end. I actually composed this one on the road, all in my head, and had to write it down when I stopped for gas. First time that's happened. I felt pretty good about it.

Jerusalemrising said...

Hmm... I like the spontaneity (your comment), but I have some technical critiques, as always, if, that is, you'll humor me.
First off, Line 5 doesn't completely work with meter... I'd change "across" to "'cross". Secondly, and this is always a bit of a pet peive of mine, but I always see one line as meant to portray one idea, and lines 11 and 12 with "regret's a bitch" doesn't adhere to that. I know, like all my other stylistic devices, its probably archaic, but just as well, I think it adds to the integrity of a sonnet.
I do have a good note though... I like your word choice as always- "jamb" got me thinking, and I learned a new word, thanks to you! =)
Keep it up, man!

Sonnet Boy said...

The comment about "across" is well-taken--actually when I was reciting it to myself in the car I said " 'cross," but just didn't write it down that way, as I'm self-conscious about crunching words in on themselves to make them fit the meter--the old square-peg/round-hole thing. But here there is a little dialect going on, so I'm making the change.

As to the one line/one idea thing, it is archaic, I think. I find when the thought continues over the end of the line it makes the flow more conversational and less of a chant, which is sometimes the effect I'm going for; sometimes I like the other way too, just depends on the subject matter. I do generally adhere to the one-thesis-per-quatrain/sestet idea, however--though I reserve the right to break that rule too. :)