My birthday: if I've threescore years and ten,
Now fully half of them are in the book;
Time to stop fretting over how I look
(For indeed, now my hair is growing thin).
I guess I never will build up my chest
With weights the way I'd planned once long ago,
And always hoped to do--nope, let it go,
And age with dignity. It's for the best.
The secret to it is just not to fight
(No comb-overs nor tummy tucks for me);
Wave bye to youth and earthly vanity,
And so go gently into that good night.
Top of the hill now--it was quite a climb.
Ease off the brakes, relax--it's coasting time.
3 comments:
This one's very touching and it makes me a little scared of aging! Haha...I'm sure you'll handle it very well; it's evident through the third quatrain ;)
As a fellow sonneteer, I'd reword:
"Time to stop fretting over how I look
(For indeed, now my hair is growing thin)."
The iambic pentameter makes these two lines sound especially odd (I mean, "for INdeed NOW my HAIR?" Not natural). For line 4, perhaps do some rewording such as "Indeed my hair is growing thin of late" to make the iambic pentameter flow more naturally.
But this is coming from a 15-year-old, so...choose to ignore if you want.
Oh, but if you follow my suggestion the rhyme scheme would be compromised. Darn.
Mike,
Thanks for commenting. I agree that if you read line 4 in strict iambic pentameter it sounds odd--however, all sonneteers (both before and after Shakespeare) allowed for "variations" in the metrical scheme, so that while it was mostly iambic, every know and then they'd allow a different metrical foot to sneak in. I'd read line 4 "for IN DEED, now MY hair IS growing THIN." Perhaps still a little clumsy, but when read aloud (as I have, to an audience) it works.
I've read some of your sonnets (and will comment soon) and noticed that you weren't as strict about the rhyme scheme as I was--so I hope you'll allow me not to be as strict about the meter as you are. :)
Thanks again, and please keep commenting--I love to hear what people think of these.
Best,
SS
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